HERE WE GO AGAIN

Monday, March 24, 2014

I had a very rough weekend.  I was supposed to go to psychodrama all weekend but I only made Friday evening.  We were doing an exercise call the social atom.  It is where you draw circles around each other with the inner most circle representing “me”.  Then you put the people in your life in proximity to “me”.  I realized that there are so few people in my life.  Everyone else had so many people surrounding them.  Some close and some outside of their circle.  They were talking about feeling joy and happiness.  If freaked me out.  When it was over, I left and totally disintegrated.  It is the same pattern I go through every time something happens. I go into isolation and do not want to be around people.  So, I did not go to the rest of the workshop.  Now, I regret not going.  This is not a healthy way to respond to life.  One would think that after all the years I spent in therapy and psychodrama I could react in a more controlled way.  That I could learn a different pattern to use.

 

SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO GIVE UP…

WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE

Thursday, March 6, 2014

 

It has been so long since I have written.  A lot of positive things have happened in my life…more positive than negative, which seems like a miracle to me.

But today and the past week, I have been so depressed.  I feel like I do not have a life.  I do not seem to have a purpose about which I feel passionate.  That statement is not totally true.  I do have someone in my life that I would like to help and I feel passionate about that idea.  This person has a lot going on in their life and could use a loyal, trustworthy friend to give them help.

 

I have been a friend to them for a while now.  In fact a situation arose in my life where I had to live in their outside room for about six months.  Now I am supposed to be moving back to my house. But I am confused about whether I should or not.  I feel so lost and confused.  I have become accustomed to being around someone that treats me with respect; that talks to me as an equal; that enjoys being around me; that appreciates my input.  Now I must return to my previous situation with my husband who treats me just the opposite.  I am truly at a loss.  I have no other place to go right now.  I cannot afford to move out on my own.  Both of them are out of town as I attempt make this transition.  This was my choice because I wanted neither of them to see the pain through which I am going.  I do not want my husband to know the dread I feel nor do I want my friend to see the pain I feel in leaving. 

 

My fear is that once I am gone, their busy life will not allow me to be as helpful as I have been in the past few months…out of sight out of mind.  I will also miss being around them very much.  I ask myself if I have become dependent on them.  I do not think it is a codependent relationship.  We both do things separately from each other and are fine with it this way.  I think my worry is that I will lose purpose again.  I volunteer at one other place which I will continue to do.  But, I feel that the Creator has put me in their life for a reason.  So if this is what I believe then why am I so fearful?  I should trust the universe to help me through this whatever the outcome.  Life is always changing.  It is how we handle the changes that either drag us down or help us move forward.  Even though I know this in my brain, my heart is crying and pleading for this change not to happen. 

Peace,

Nico

 

I chose the above picture because the past few years I have felt like I bloomed from a flower, raised from the dead as a cross between a dragonfly and a butterfly.  The breaker of illusions (dragonfly) and transformation (butterfly).  I look back and see how peaceful I have been with this person in my life.  How much purpose I felt as I helped with daily chores, pet sitting and things they felt were mundane and tedious.  But these things are what lifted me out of my depression and gave me a reason to live. I feel useful, helpful and like I am contributing to someone/something that has a bigger purpose in life than I do.  They have the ability to help a lot of people not only financially but spiritually.  And this they do on a daily basis.  Anything I do to help them achieve this helps me to feel that I am helping also. 

 

 

 

 

Smash365: Statement: An attempt to answer two comments from ‘Anonymous’ on my writing ‘Perfection’.

The reason one writes isn’t the fact he wants to say something. He writes because he has something to say. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald

Step on your soapbox and write about what is on your mind. Make a statement in your writing about anything that is residing within you. The end of a 4-day holiday weekend? Black Friday shopping? The space between holidays and the coming new year?

Make a statement without judgment. Give yourself the platform you need to shout it out on paper for ten minutes.

Where did writing take you today?

 Picture:  Dante:  Angels

My thoughts:

When I opened my email today, I had this prompt and two comments from ‘anonymous’ on my article titled ‘Perfection’.

This is my human attempt to answer the two following comments:

1)

Nico,
I saw your posting on Let Go Let Peace Come In. I am deeply disturbed by Penn State scandal and feel that I must do something. I am a mother of two boys and work full time but there must be something I can do... Any ideas?

2)

Nico,
One more question... I am having a hard time with the fact that g-d would allow innocent children get raped over and over again... I am losing my faith. How do you forgive g-d for allowing all that happened to you to take place?


My Answer:

The first answer that comes to mind for question one is vigilance.  If you see or suspect any type of abuse, whether it is with a child or an adult do not be afraid to report it.  When people do nothing evil blooms.  Do not assume that someone else will take a stand against abuse.  Never make that assumption.  Take action by reporting it.  You have nothing to lose, but whoever might be the victim of abuse has their Soul to lose…because abuse murders the Soul.  If you do not have time or the ability to volunteer, you might donate money to a shelter or home.  You could write letters to your Senators and Congressman to help change laws.

To answer your second question, I must take the liberty to express MY PERSONAL BELIEFS about g-d.  By no means am I trying to change or challenge your beliefs or convince you of anything different than what you believe. 

I do not believe that g-d ‘allows innocent children to get raped’.  I do not believe in a punishing g-d.  We are the ones who forget g-d, not the other way around.  Humans have free will.  Humans have choice to do good or evil.  It is humankind hurting each other.  I do not feel any need to forgive g-d.  The direction my forgiveness has to take is towards my abusers.  They are the ones who inflicted the pain and anguish I endured as a child.  They are the reasons I chose to live in the suffering and anguish I experienced as an adult.  Yes, you heard me correctly.  I chose to continue my suffering as an adult.  No, I did not realize I was choosing.  I felt helpless and hopeless.  Just as when I was a child, as an adult I saw no way out.  I felt trapped and imprisoned.  I could not let go of the pain.  I had no hope.  I was disillusioned with g-d, but did not blame g-d.

It has been a long journey to heal my Soul back to life.  But now I feel the winds have turned and I am moving forward.  Yes, I still have difficult times.  However, the darkness now goes away after I feel the pain.  Until recently I lived in continual darkness.  That has been my path and I have accepted it.  It has led me to become the person I am today.  I have no regrets.

It was not until I realized that other choices were available to me, and I felt empowered that I began to make my own decisions on how I wanted to live; that I began to take control of my life.  The abuse was not from g-d, it was from humans.  Humans are weak.  Our ego controls our actions.  WE HAVE TO LET GO OF OUR EGO and find our HIGHER SELF to reconnect with g-d.  Healing is about forgiveness, love and learning to connect…because as a victim/survivor we do not trust enough to connect on a Soul level to others.  Without connections we shrivel up and die not only emotionally, but spiritually.  With connections we THRIVE.  With connections we can begin to forgive, take in the painful lessons our past has taught us, and use them to help others. 

Hope never dies.  Never give up.  To give up is to allow the abusers victory.  There are no winners in these situations.  So we learn to live our life to the fullest and try to make a difference whenever we can.  Hopefully, once we heal, our suffering will have taught us compassion for others; made us more loving people; and make us realize that g-d was with us through it all.

I hope you will not lose faith.  If at all possible connect to g-d.  That is the beginning of our Soul and that is where healing begins.  You are not alone.

Peace,

Nico

Smash 365: PERFECTION

We keep searching for perfection, and in our search we find that everything in the universe is perfect except the humans. The sun is perfect, the stars are perfect, the planets are perfect, but when it comes to the humans, “Nobody’s perfect.” The truth is that everything in creation is perfect, including the humans. ~Don Miguel Ruiz, The Fifth Agreement

What stops us from seeing ourselves as perfect? Redefine “perfect” for humans and make a list of the things that make you perfect.

My Thoughts:

In one word, EGO stops us from seeing ourselves as perfect.  ‘Perfect’ does not mean conceited or arrogant.  ‘Perfect’ to me means living in a state of openness and love, tethered to our Creator.  When we live in the state of ego, we depend on our attachment to others as the reflection of our selves.  This, I believe is a hurtful way to see ourselves because how others see us comes from their reality and their ego.  Depending on our attachment’s moods and whims, one day they may see us as good; the next they may see us as causing pain.  So while we are affirmed with love one day, we are suffering and in pain the next.   But in reality, we all cause our own drama.  The responsibility for our life is within us.

 I am not speaking of a child because children are born innocent.  Children have to rely on their caregivers to protect them and nurture them.  But as adults we must take responsibility for our actions and strive to let our ego die.  The Creator is calling our Soul.  Our Soul longs for a reunion to the Creator.  When we refuse the call, we become frozen in our ego.  I am not speaking of physical death.  It is a spiritual death and rebirth while we are here on the Earth.

The thing that makes me ‘perfect’ is my belief that I originate from the Creator and I am a part of the Creator.  Because of this, I am a part of the Universe which lives in the Creator.  I am in a continuous search for my Soul.  But I do realize that ‘perfection’ can be fleeting.  I am also still human; therefore the ego will be with me until the end.  The trick is to learn to live as the Self because the Self is your Soul, the Soul is love, and love comes from our connection to the Creator.

Peace,

Nico

Smash365: Domestication

"Humans are dreaming all the time. Before we were born the humans before us created a big outside dream that we will call society’s dream or the dream of the planet. The dream of the planet is the collective dreams of billions of smaller, personal dreams, which together create a dream of a family, a dream of a community, a dream of a city, a dream of a country, and finally a dream of the whole humanity. The dream of the planet includes all of society’s rules, its beliefs, its laws, its religions, its different cultures and ways to be, its governments, schools, social events, and holidays." ~ Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements, “Domestication and the Dream of the Planet”

Do you accept fully Ruiz’ statement that humans are dreaming all the time? Write about your awareness and/or acceptance of Ruiz’ “dream of the planet” and your own domestication.

My Thoughts:

Unless you have read this book, you might not fully understand the term “dream” as Ruiz comprehends it.  He is not talking about dreaming in the sense of during sleep. 

I cannot disagree with his belief.  We have created this ‘reality’ in which we live.  The farther away humanity as a whole becomes separated from the Creator, God, Higher Power, Source, or the word of your choice, the more we live in an illusion of who we are and from where we came.  We lose our connection to our Soul or Spirit.  We lose our ‘Life Force’.  We lose our ‘Energy’.  We lose our ‘Light’. 

I believe this is why there is so much chaos in our world.  We have forgotten that everything we are, everything we have comes from our Creator. Our ‘domestication’ begins at birth when we are taught what our parents or caregivers ‘dream’ is the correct way to live, the correct way to view the world. 

We can continue to live in this illusion we have been given or we can begin our own search for our true Soul.  No other person can give us OUR connection to our Creator.  We have to search and find for ourselves that umbilical cord that is connected to our Creator while we are here on earth.  When we finally find that connection, we transform into who we are really meant to be.  We find that our main purpose in this life is to create love for all things and spread peace.  We learn to recognize that there are billions of umbilical cords coming from the same Source—that everything is connected and alive.

I cannot pretend to comprehend all the wisdom of Don Miguel Ruiz.  I agree with the four agreements he presents in this book.  I have read this book and continue to re-read it because every time I do, I learn more how to live as our Creator intends for us to live.

I believe that we learn to live as a ‘Soul’ from many sources.  Long ago I dropped the illusion that there is only one source of wisdom.  This works for me, but it may not work for others.  I believe we need to find whatever works for each of us to live with integrity and in the Light of our Creator.

Peace.

Nico

Smash365: Purity Everything and Everyone is Connected

Smash365:  Purity

Everything in existence is a manifestation of the one living being we call God. Everything is God. . . Human perception is merely light perceiving light. . . .Matter is a mirror — everything is a mirror that reflects light and creates images of light — and the world of illusion, the Dream, is just like smoke which doesn’t allow us to see what we really are. ‘The real us is pure love, pure light.’” ~Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

Take time today to observe a natural setting. While studying the grass, the trees, the sky, consider each as its own entity and not existing for our needs, our uses. Strip away the labels we have given these natural things, and then reflect on their individual beauty — a beauty that has nothing to do with human beings.

When you write, stay focused on the purity of each natural existence. What happens when we remove the man-made mist surrounding them?

My Thoughts:

“When we remove the man-made mist surrounding them,” the first veil drops from our sight and we finally see the reality of whom and what we are…we are also a part of the grass, the trees, the sky.  All is created with light and energy emanating from the Creator.  When we refuse to acknowledge this one and only reality our light dims and our energy lessens.  Life becomes full of trials and tribulations that are difficult if not impossible to overcome.  We feel alone and unloved.  Until we return to our true essence, our soul, we are not ALIVE.  WE MERELY EXIST.  Our human birth has made us forget our true identity.  We have become the ideas of our parents, our religion, and our cultures.  But, I believe we only have one identity and that is the one we came from as Spirit from our Creator.  Our goal in life is to become find and become that Soul and embody the life it is meant to live.

Peace.

Nico

Breathe life into my soul

All I really want is for the Creator to breathe life into my soul.  I want to feel alive.  I don’t want to feel dead anymore. 

While I may have been born many years ago, I have never felt alive; I have never lived my life.  It has always felt like I was on the outside of everything and everyone, watching but never participating. 

I want to be a part of life.   I want to belong.  I want to be. 

Why can I not feel this way?

Peace.

Nico

STOP CHILD ABUSE.  IT MURDERS THE SOUL.

"THE GIFT"... SMASH365: WRITE

KINDNESS...PASS IT ON. 

Photo:  Courtesy of unknown source...no copyright infringement intended.

“Use this prompt to inspire. Write for 5 minutes:

 A gift is left on the back porch.”

 

THE GIFT

It had been a difficult day.  A deep sadness permeated my heart.  Yet, I knew I had to go home and face the ghosts of my illusions. 

As I was walking from the garage to my back door, I noticed a small piece of paper jammed in the crevice of the storm door.  I really did not give it much thought as I approached the door.  I was deep inside and was thinking:   “‘storm door’…does it keep the storms in or out?”  I grabbed the note and unlocked the door.

“I just stopped by for a quick visit.  I hope you are having a beautiful day.  Love always, your friend.”

The tears flowed freely as a read the note.  The love of my friend entered my heart and suddenly the sadness lifted and I was filled with peace.

Sometimes, the smallest gesture…a note, a smile, a simple hello, can make the BIGGEST difference in a person’s life.

Let us all go out and make a difference.

Peace.

Nico

Smash 365: I AM THE OWL

Smash 365:  I am the Owl

Prompt:

“. . . Human beings already are animals. But becoming fully conscious of our animal nature and identifying with the lives of nonhumans is a way to increase our awareness that animals share the Earth with us, that they are made of the same fiber as we are, that they are our kin. Writing from the viewpoint of an animal puts us in touch with minds that are starkly different from our own — an excellent way of growing our creativity and intensifying the kind of understanding we can call writers’ empathy.

Select any animal that you are fascinated with and consider life through that animal’s eyes. What does he see? What does he think of what he sees? Write in first-person point of view and capture that animal’s inner thoughts in a particular setting.

How can this exercise help you better convey the inner thoughts and motivations of others you might be writing about?”

I am the owl.  I am the creature who awakens in the darkness.  My vision is unlimited.  I hear all things below as I am perched above the earth on my branch.  You, however, will not hear my arrival for I fly in silence.  But, you will know the wrath of my search.  I will swoop down and capture you with my claws and take you with me back to my darkness.  If you do not fight me, you will learn that you have great vision.  You will learn to see in the darkness.  No one will be able to deceive you.  No one will be hidden from your vision.  Your wisdom will become known not only to you but to all those around you.  The Truth will become known to you, for you will no longer be blinded by your darkness.

This is my gift to you as my fellow traveller on the earth.  Take heed of my generosity and you will learn to survive in your darkness.  Your insight will be heightened and you will never be fooled again.  Your lesson will be to thrive in adverse situations and come to see the illusion that others will try to make your reality. 

Smash 365: Write: ALGAE

Use this prompt to inspire. Write for 5 minutes:

“She lays motionless underneath the surface of the water with bright green algae.”

Can she breathe?  Will the stagnation keep her in the darkness? What is this bright green substance trying to teach?  Could it be that she might need to stay under for a while longer?  Could it mean that she needs to hold her breath and feel the isolation that surrounds her being?  There is certainly a lesson to learn from this.  There is meaning in all situations if you look deep enough. 

Is she alive?  How long has this state of stagnation been her life?  What will it take to jolt her out of this dead zone in which she is suspended?

Is it the pain of the past?  Is it the longing for the comfort from a mother’s love?  How long will it take to let go of the chains that bind her to the depths of despair?  When will she ever look from above to see the beauty of the bright green algae…instead of looking from below, up into the darkness, where the sun never shines?

There is no answer for this.  In her own time, in her own way, when she is ready.  There is no other path to take at this moment.  She must live in the illusion; she must survive in the pain.

The only thing that will help her break through the green darkness is connection to others.  The algae may seem bright on the outside.  But, looks can be deceiving.  Do not let this trick you into believing the task is simple.  It could very well be a life long journey.

Bid her well.  To her closest friends, reach out to her in the darkness.  Be her tether, ground her to the present.  For she does not know the time in which she lives.  Her sight is altered by the algae.

Smash 365: The River

Use this prompt to inspire. Write for 5 minutes:

“Paddling the canoe down river, I finally understood what Dad meant. “

 Photo Courtesy of Rainbowcabins.com

RESPONSE:

**As a young child, my dad would take me to the river to fish.  It was so peaceful.  We could stand in silence for hours, yet feel connected to each other.   It did not matter if we ever caught a fish.  It was something about nature.  I could never put it into words, but I could FEEL it.  Before we would leave to return home, dad always said, “Life is like a river.  Always remember, live your life like a river.” 

He never went into detail, probably because of my age.  Then suddenly, unexpectedly, one day, he was taken away.  Through the years, I always returned to the river because of the memories.  But, I also needed and longed for his thoughts about living life like a river.  One day, “paddling the canoe down river, I finally understood what Dad meant.”

The river flows onward without clinging to where it has already been.  It does not look back with regret the path it has taken and carved.  It has no fear of the inevitable upcoming boulders.  If it comes upon a DARK hole, it fills it up without dread. It moves toward something bigger than itself without the worry of losing its control or losing its identity.  It merges with the vastness elegantly and gracefully, becoming one, contributing to the larger body all its power and energy.

This is my ultimate goal…to let go of the ego and become one with the Self; to flow in harmony with my Creator; to live in respect of nature and FEEL its connection; to join the vastness and dedicate all my power and energy for good; to help others heal; to play my role in helping humanity heal.  This is how I want to live the rest of my life.  This is where I will find peace.

 

Nico

  

**The part about my father is fiction.

STOP CHILD ABUSE.  IT MURDERS THE SOUL.

Smash365: Create

Photo Courtesy of howstuffworks.com

Original post for September 2, 2011 by Cara Moulds

Start with this scene and bring it to life. Write for 10 minutes or create a piece of art.

Place: under a bush
Character: an independent thinker
Object: a telescope
Mood: interested

My weakness and I had been travelling companions for many years.  We had traversed many different terrains…the highest peaks and the lowest valleys on the earth.  Our struggles were many. There were times when our wills clashed and we became engaged in battle. 

One day, as we were raging war against each other, we rolled under a thorny bush.  As we continued to struggle, suddenly we saw something shiny inching its way up through the dirt.  Curious, we both started excavating this brass looking object.  Much to our surprise it was a telescope.  We cleaned it and began looking through the lens.  We looked up.  We looked outward.  Beauty was abounding. 

Without warning, a small voice whispered through the air, “Look within you, look within each other.”  It frightened both of us as we were not used to hearing other voices.  We only heard and listened to our own voice.

We began to take turns looking within.  This was no surprise as we knew our own selves very well.  Then we looked into each other with open minds.  It was then that I saw the value in my weakness and realized that I had been struggling and fighting with myself all these years.  I saw the beauty and strength in what I had viewed as less than human.  For in my weakness, I found vulnerability; I found kindness and gentleness; I found a caring for humanity and earth that I had never recognized before this moment.

So, as I looked into my weakness’s eyes, I begged her forgiveness and took her into my arms embracing all the beauty that I had left in the wilderness for so many years.  I had always thought I was stronger without my weakness.  But, in the moment of acceptance, I could feel my strength growing.  I had finally found peace…no longer did I have to live in the torment of war.

A Very Nice Face book page in the making!

The Power of Authenticity:  https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/The-Power-of-Authenticity/273106916049479

Beautiful Pictures!!

Smash 365: Write: THE JOURNEY TO PRIMORDIAL SPIRIT

"Use this prompt to inspire. Write for 5 minutes:

Instead of landing the space shuttle on earth, its captain steers the shuttle into…"



PHOTO:  Journey to Primordial Spirit: Copyright by Kati Astraeir



After travelling in the Darkness for many light years, the captain felt a calling to a different way.  Thinking that the earth had become a less than desirable place and was filled with dead end roads blocking their desired destination, the captain suddenly decided to listen to intuition and order the ship into hyper drive.  “Let it Be, that we travel to the realm of the unknown,” the captain said to his crew. 

Suddenly, they arrived in the most unimaginable, extraordinary sphere.  The Land of Atonement (at-one-ment) was before them in all its glory and serenity.  It will be in this land that the captain and the crew will come to know each other and their Self.  It is here that bliss (Creator) and pain (humanity) will join to become one.  This will lead to living in peace, love and compassion until all are taken back into Eternal Life.

Peace,

Nico

Ten Minutes of Silence: Smash365

Time + Silence = Tranformation

There was a time when ten minutes of silence would have been excruciating for me to bear.  For in this silence I heard deafening screams. I felt immeasurable suffering.   At that time, my mind broke.  Unknowingly, I became a traveller on the road to wholeness; to the Self.  I had no idea what this undertaking entailed nor did I know what it was called when my journey began.  I was asleep.  

In no way am I claiming that I have arrived at my destination.  I think my life will be a lifelong journey.  How is it possible to ever stop learning; to stop growing emotionally and spiritually?

Now the silence beckons me.  For, in silence, lies transformation; a connection to others, to spirituality, to the Self.  In fact, there are times when I have to MAKE myself leave the silence and interact with the world.  I have to keep my life balanced.  I have to try to stay centered.  It is in this state where I find the most serene peace. 

My goal is to not allow negativity take away my peace.  This is much easier said than done.  But, I do believe I can accomplish this with determined practice. 

Peace.

Nico



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TlwAu0KTXU

I love this song.  I love Ireland and hope to go to my ancestral home one day!
Hope everyone has a wonderful day!  Take care.

Peace,
Nico

The OPEN HEART Is on Fire: The Path to Your Soul’s Freedom

"The most powerful weapon on earth is the human Soul on fire."~~Ferdinand Foch

In the past and because of the nature of my past, i.e. extreme, long term child abuse, my heart was closed not only to me, but to all of mankind.  There was no fire in my soul.  Since, I last wrote, for the most part I have turned inward again.  Some people may think this is selfish or egotistical.  However, I believe it is the path to freedom; the path to letting go of the negative; the path to overcoming the ego; the path to my Creator.

It is not so much that I ignore the world and my surroundings.  I do not…I continue to live each day to the fullest, but my focus has been on the opening of my heart.  I believe it is only when we examine our ‘heart’ which I am using as a representative of our soul, that we can become whole.  We must face the pain of our existence, our humanness.  Even if you have not suffered child abuse, you have suffered.  You will recognize and find your suffering in your defenses; in your reactions to situations; in your ‘shadow’ or ‘light’ aspects of your personality, better known as your ego.

Until recently, I felt I had to encapsulate my heart.  I felt I had to protect it from being vulnerable, from being abused, from feeling, from all the ‘evil’ I feared so vehemently.  I was dreadfully wrong.  This has been the destruction of my soul, my Self.  Ironically, the walls I built to protect myself were the walls that were causing my pain.  For to block out ‘shadow’, we also block out ‘light’.

I am not saying that we go out and find people to abuse us or hurt us or cause us pain—quite the opposite.  We go out in the world and live in compassion and love.  Do to our human tendencies, we all will have pain put in our life, sometimes we might even be the cause of another’s pain.  Hopefully, the pain we cause will not be purposeful; it will be coming from our subconscious or even conscious inadequacies.  We must remember this one basic fact: 

“When someone acts out, when they yell or conduct themselves with arrogance or are purposefully hurtful, it is usually because THEY are hurting in some way, whether they will admit it or not. You have a choice: be in compassion or sit in the pain and resentment that they have shared with you.”  Ayamanatara

We must acknowledge, admit, and accept our inadequacies to overcome what keeps us un-centered. This can be very difficult and extremely painful.  We do not succumb easily to the realization that some of our aspects are on the ‘shadow’ side, or even on the ‘light’ side.  In all aspects of our personalities there are two sides:  shadow and light.  Neither one of them are ‘bad’ in and of themselves.  It is when we are living in the extreme of one or the other that they can become destructive.  It is the extremes that cause destruction and negativity. 

Think of it this way:  In an addiction, is it really the substance that is ‘bad’ i.e. alcohol, food, drugs, religion, etc. ?   I view it more as using the substance to either extreme…this is when it becomes an addiction.  Of course, people realize the ‘shadow’ aspect of addiction…which would be the overuse of a substance.  But have you ever thought about the ‘light’ attribute of addiction—the total abstinence of a substance or the total alignment with a certain world view.  This can be an addiction also.  This too can be an escape from your reality.  It can lead to intolerance, a feeling of superiority and living in illusion.  It can also lead to our causing pain to our fellow humans.

If we try to live centered, in compassion and love, with an open heart—here we will find our protection.  It is in this state of being centered where we will find our true selves.  We will find our Creator, our God, our Source, our Higher Power, and our Self (or whatever terms you choose).   We will need no other protection. For if you honestly know, if you truly believe—when you are openly connected and centered in your Belief, there is nothing you cannot overcome.

Today, I have emerged with a fire in my Soul I have never felt before.

Peace,

Nico



Anastasia...a part of my soul

Anastasia's Eyes, by Dan Fogelberg

The Journey to Silent Listening, “Divine Gloom”, 30 Day Creative Challenge (Day 10)

In a sense, I have been away.  But, I have been working on my Creativity Challenge.  I try to create every day. 

Sometimes, my creativity is focused inward.  It is sitting in the silence and listening for its wisdom and healing.   It cannot be expressed in words until I have done the work that needs to be done.  My most recent journey inward has been very painful, yet very healing.  When I realized the process I had been through and the outcome, I was in awe of how the Self and its connection to God, my Creator, my Higher Power, my Source can be unconsciously within us.  There it is—dormant, waiting for us to reach out, waiting for us to feel the healing power within our grasp. 

For me healing is a daily process.  Parts of my soul, my essence were stolen during my childhood.   This left me permeable.  The things that filled these holes were negative.  All the wounds in my soul left me feeling less than human.  I felt cursed and evil. 

But, I AM NOT.  This is what the abuse did to me.  ABUSE MURDERS THE SOUL.  They, the abusers, determined my life for me.  They put me on the path that continued the destruction of my soul. 

Once I finally realized that I no longer had to follow the life they chose for me, that I could choose the life I wanted to live, I began to heal.  This is a realization that all people need to experience, not just survivors of abuse or trauma.  I believe that every person  has wounded souls.  This is part of life.  It is the nature of our existence.

I had to search for myself.  I had to find the parts that were stripped from me, the parts that dissociated and kept me alive through some very unbearable, unspeakable pain.  I have to reclaim my soul that was shattered.  I have to reclaim my mind.  I have to remove the negative.  No one can do this for me.  Yes, I need help and support.  But the work has to come from within me.  I have to go into many dark places to find what needs to be found.  I will be totally honest with you, it is a painful journey.  I have no choice in this.  If I want to become whole and healed, this is what I feel I need to do.  It may not be the same for everyone.  We all heal differently. 

I am no longer afraid of the pain.  I will not avoid it.  It will no longer conquer my soul. 

Invictus

By:  William Ernest Henley

“Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishment the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.”

During my participation of the #Trust30 Ralph Waldo Emerson Challenge, my friend Michi Lantz (you can find her here: http://barefootonsacredground.wordpress.com/ ) suggested I listen to this poem on You Tube.  I had heard of it but never really ‘heard’ it…if you understand what I mean.  You can listen to it here:  http://www.youtube.com/user/Interrutpion?feature=mhum#p/c/9F1F9610BB3263AD/0/Nv2Thlik6ck

This realization that I can heal myself is very powerful.  The healing process is very painful, yet cleansing.  It is a lifelong journey, because we never know when pain will enter our lives, we just know it is inevitable.  Left unprocessed and unhealed, pain and the loss of soul it creates, wreak havoc in our lives.

My wish is for all of humanity to be healed.   If we each work on healing ourselves and helping each other on our journey, it can happen.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Peace.

Nico

Oleg Korolev Peresvet, Oslyabya, Divine Gloom