Stop Hurting the Body

If I could only remember what I did last night.  Maybe I do not remember, but the scar will remind me of what I do not remember.  I know this means that one of my 'parts' is in terrible pain.  How can I help them?  We go to therapy tomorrow (not that it helps them).  They will not participate in our sessions any more since we changed therapists.  Maybe leaving 'B' was the wrong decision.  But, I could not take the distance between us any longer.  I could not pretend that the relationship had not changed drastically.  It was too painful for me and for some of the other 'parts'.  Now, none of us feel close or connected to anyone, especially the new therapist 'N'.  But, it took about two years for us to trust 'B', and we have only been with this new person for a few months.  I feel so alone.  I want to cry, but I cannot let the tears flow.  I feel like if I do, I will go away and never come back.  I will fall into the darkness of my abysmal childhood, never to return.  'B' was always there to help me come back to me.  Okay, I have to stop writing because I feel like I am going away.