Hardly a day goes by that I do not think of you and the twenty years we spent in therapy with you. This month would have been twenty years. I know that we are the ones that 'left', or at least some of us were...I was not one of them. I would have stayed. But, it was 'A ie' who made the final decision. And the god of our system, 'D', agreed that it had become more destructive than helpful. This is so messed up. What happened to everything? I do not understand why everything changed so drastically. Was it us? I know I will probably never get an answer because I will probably never see you again. But, sometimes, it drives me to the brink of insanity. I miss you so much; I miss our sessions; I miss the help you gave us; I miss the connection we had; I miss having someone to help me through the pain. This has been and continues to be very hard for me. I cannot be with the new therapist. I will not even come out in the sessions with her. She is too 'out there'. Maybe this is just me. Me not wanting to trust or get close to anyone again. But, I do not think that is the only reason. It deeply saddens me that our life will probably never get any better than it is now. We have stopped growing and changing. We are just floundering, living day to day with no purpose, with no hope. I guess as long as we had you as a mentor, there was hope. Please know that I am not blaming you. I guess I have lost my train of thought. I do not know where I am going with this note. That is what happens...I just shut down.