I must be myself. I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Think of all the things that are not working in your life. That job you don’t like, that relationship that’s not working, those friends that annoy you. Now turn them all on you. Imagine that everything that’s not working in your life, is your fault. How would you approach it? What would you work on to change your life to the state that you want it to be?
(Author: Carlos Miceli)
The word fault has several definitions. If you look at the word fault as a noun or a verb and think defect, personal shortcoming, imperfection, or blame, I disagree vehemently with the prompt that everything in your life is your ‘fault’. This definition promotes shame-based thoughts and beliefs. If however, you use the definition ‘responsibility for a mistake, failure, or act of wrongdoing’, then I think we are on the right path.
We all need to take responsibility for all our actions and decisions we make in our life. We have choices. People that live in illusion tend to blame others for everything bad in their life. People who have become aware, awake, and have broken through their illusions realize that they are steering the direction their life is taking.
I have been working on my life for twenty-two years now. But, I have to say that for the most part, I was doing the work still living in my illusion, behind the mask, and protected from the many walls that I had built over the years because of my past. When my therapist first mentioned the word choice, I absolutely hated it. I kept saying I had no choice. I kept blaming my past and my abusers. YES, it was their fault that I was abused and learned so many negative thoughts and behaviors. It was because of the past that I had become the person sitting ‘on the couch’ depressed, confused, suicidal, anxious, filled with self-loathing and self-doubts. What I did not understand in the beginning was that I could choose a different path. I had never been given choices. I did not know how to choose.
Over the years, it has become very clear that CHOICES=FREEDOM=TRUST=SELF-RELIANCE=HAPPINESS! Choice has become the most joyful, liberating word in my vocabulary. No more blame. Blame is the flip side of the coin SHAME. Living in blame/shame keeps you on the road of negativity. I continue to work on myself to change my life into what I want it to be. For I am the only person I can change. You cannot make anyone else change. Change has to come from within. I am working to change a little more each day. This will continue until my journey on this earth is over…because ‘Change is the only constant’ (Heraclitus).
|Heraclitus: by Johanne Moreelse (no copyright on picture)|