Mess up your hair. If you are wearing makeup – smudge it. If you have a pair of pants that don’t really fit you – put them on. Put on a top that doesn’t go with those pants. Go to your sock drawer. Pull out two socks that don’t match. Different lengths, materials, colors, elasticity.
Now, two shoes. You know the drill. Need to add more? Ties? Hair clips? Stick your gut out? I trust you to go further.
Take a picture.
Get ready to post it online.
Are you feeling dread? Excitement? Is this not the image you have of yourself? Write about the fear or the thrill that this raises in you? Who do you need to look good for and what story does it tell about you? Or why don’t you care?
This is not a new experience for me!! For the most part, I try to be ‘me’. I can go out with no makeup; dressed in raggedy jeans and a t-shirt; hair not sprayed to perfection. But, am I comfortable in this skin?
Absolutely not! Especially, when I do this in a place with certain peers I become very uncomfortable. There are certain people that, when I am around them, I feel totally insecure. When I walk into a room, I feel as if all eyes are staring at me.
I do realize that some of this fear of not wearing a mask stems from what happened to me as a child. I was made to feel dirty, ugly, insecure, and given so many other negative self-beliefs. I can say with certainty that this is VERY hard to overcome. “What fires together is wired together.” This comes from a book I read about the brain and how trauma affects neurons, the neural pathways, etc. (I am sorry I cannot tell you the exact title of the book nor the author, as I have read several books of this nature to gain insight on how to change my thought patterns.) I continue to struggle with my self-doubts, negative thoughts, depression, and anxiety. But, that is good. Every struggle can lead to a victory! I have been victorious in many battles. I know there are many more ahead, but I am not afraid to face them.
Maybe, I do not fully understand todays quote from Emerson. I do not feel ‘great’ because I am misunderstood. I do not want to be ‘great’. I realize this is not the point of his quote. Maybe the greatness comes in the next world? Or possibly whatever knowledge, kindness, caring, and love I can express in spite of my insecurities, will give a feeling of greatness to others.
Okay, let me get back to the prompt! I am going to post a picture on my Facebook page of a time when I was totally being me! When I was a child, I loved Halloween. It was a totally innocent night for us. We got to dress up in scary outfits and my uncle would take us around our town to ‘Trick or Treat’. Candy was flowing abundantly. My, how times have changed! Around this area, the word ‘Halloween’ connotes evil. Well, the rebel inside of me will not let go of one of the few, happy, good memories I have as a child. So, until a couple of years ago, I always donned my costume and decorated my house to encourage the neighborhood children to come get their bags filled with candy. I want them to feel the joy and fun that I had on such an ‘evil’ night! I still give out the candy; I just do not ‘dress up’ like a witch any more. But, who knows? There is always this year!!!
Well, FB friends, for what are you waiting? Have a look!!! lol