ABOUT THE PHOTOGRAPH AND TITLE

THIS PROFILE PICTURE IS A PAINTING BY SAMUEL BAK. THE TITLE IS "INTERRUPTION". THIS BLOG IS ABOUT CHILDHOOD ABUSE, THE DESTRUCTION IT CAUSES AND HOW I FEEL A CONNECTION TO HOLOCAUST SURVIVORS.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Mirror, Mirror by Esther Poyer #Trust30 (Post 40)


“Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mirror, mirror on the wall… find the nearest mirror. Look. Keep looking for 3 minutes. Write about what you see.

(Author: Esther Poyer)



Lies can be beautiful, but only when you live behind the mask.  Lies are only beautiful to the false self.  To live and believe your lies is to deny your Self.  By denying your Self, you reject the world and all its opportunities for connection, for peace, for Life.   You reject yourself.   It is my beliefs by doing this you become hardened.  Your life is lived in fear, anger, and disconnection to the Creator, to the Self.  You become empty--VOID.



I know this…I really KNOW this because I lived like this for years.  I lived behind the appearance that everything was wonderful.  Everything bad was good.   I was BAD.  This is what being abused as a child can do to you.  The only good I was taught as a child came from my years in Catholic school.  Even those lessons were tainted with humiliation and self-degradation.  I do not blame the nuns.  It was ‘the way’ of life during my childhood years.  I learned to more fully understand when I read the book by Alice Miller, “For Your Own Good”.  One must be courageous to come out of a life of ‘lies’.  If we are courageous enough to face the truth, the world will change, for the power of that “poisonous pedagogy’ which has dominated us for so long has been dependent upon our fear, our confusion and our childish credulity; once it is exposed to the light of truth, it will inevitably disappear.” (Alice Miller, November 1982)

 

What I see in the mirror today is not necessarily what I will see in the mirror tomorrow.   This is my hope.  I want to be a new and better creation each and every day. 

Today, I see bloodshot eyes staring back at me in questioning.  Why she asks?  When she asks?  I can tell she is getting older, thinking she is running out of time, wasting every precious moment in her hesitation; lost in the transition of her onward journey.  There is a desperation hidden behind her smile.  As I look deeper into her eyes, her old companion fear is still lurking within.  She wonders if she will ever truly be able to live life unafraid.  She longs for her daughter to return the love she wants to so freely give.  She hungers for forgiveness from whatever ‘sins’ she may have committed.  In that final minute, that one last gaze, she asks to be set free.

7 comments:

  1. "Lies can be beautiful, but only when you live behind the mask. Lies are only beautiful to the false self. To live and believe your lies is to deny your Self. By denying your Self, you reject the world and all its opportunities for connection, for peace, for Life. You reject yourself. It is my beliefs by doing this you become hardened. Your life is lived in fear, anger, and disconnection to the Creator, to the Self. You become empty--VOID."

    This is exactly what i was thinking when I first started this prompt (though not where I went with it). You captured that perfectely. I'm glad someone did.

    Your last paragraph as well. It's weird. Sometimes I find my eyes skimming over paragraphs because to read them directly is too much. It's like I hope that if my eyes flit from word to word they won't carry the weight and impact that they do.

    Very nicely put.

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  2. Nico,
    I admire your courage and strength that allows you to say all the things you had to keep hidden to survive. Your not that little girl anymore and it's safe to say what she needs to say. You are among friends.
    Tiff

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  3. Forgiveness. Not an easy concept. We can forgive ourselves and then we can ask for forgiveness from others. We can't let their response keep us stuck, though I admit that is sometimes where I stay stuck.

    Your insight is awesome as always.

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  4. "...she asks to be set free." No request is ever denied. All that matters is how quickly and easily (or not) we allow it to be.

    I celebrate the tremendous movement I have witnessed in your writing and sharing. That is, from my way of looking at it, showing me the direction you are heading. It seems to be a much better path.

    Namaste.
    Rich

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  5. Nico,
    Your words carry energy of open-heartedness and truth. Yet there is peace about it all that I feel too.
    Thank you for your authentic sharing! You have touched my heart yet again!
    Maya

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  6. Never loose hope.. hope is something with which u can cross any hiccup.

    Being true to yourself is biggest thing u can do in your life :)
    Nico u r moving forward on right track..
    Keep moving

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  7. Your words are courageous and powerful. YOU are courageous and powerful, Nico. Thank you for your beautiful heart that brings this blog to us. Amazing! Rw

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