"The most powerful weapon on earth is the human Soul on fire."~~Ferdinand Foch
In the past and because of the nature of my past, i.e. extreme, long term child abuse, my heart was closed not only to me, but to all of mankind. There was no fire in my soul. Since, I last wrote, for the most part I have turned inward again. Some people may think this is selfish or egotistical. However, I believe it is the path to freedom; the path to letting go of the negative; the path to overcoming the ego; the path to my Creator.
It is not so much that I ignore the world and my surroundings. I do not…I continue to live each day to the fullest, but my focus has been on the opening of my heart. I believe it is only when we examine our ‘heart’ which I am using as a representative of our soul, that we can become whole. We must face the pain of our existence, our humanness. Even if you have not suffered child abuse, you have suffered. You will recognize and find your suffering in your defenses; in your reactions to situations; in your ‘shadow’ or ‘light’ aspects of your personality, better known as your ego.
Until recently, I felt I had to encapsulate my heart. I felt I had to protect it from being vulnerable, from being abused, from feeling, from all the ‘evil’ I feared so vehemently. I was dreadfully wrong. This has been the destruction of my soul, my Self. Ironically, the walls I built to protect myself were the walls that were causing my pain. For to block out ‘shadow’, we also block out ‘light’.
I am not saying that we go out and find people to abuse us or hurt us or cause us pain—quite the opposite. We go out in the world and live in compassion and love. Do to our human tendencies, we all will have pain put in our life, sometimes we might even be the cause of another’s pain. Hopefully, the pain we cause will not be purposeful; it will be coming from our subconscious or even conscious inadequacies. We must remember this one basic fact:
We must acknowledge, admit, and accept our inadequacies to overcome what keeps us un-centered. This can be very difficult and extremely painful. We do not succumb easily to the realization that some of our aspects are on the ‘shadow’ side, or even on the ‘light’ side. In all aspects of our personalities there are two sides: shadow and light. Neither one of them are ‘bad’ in and of themselves. It is when we are living in the extreme of one or the other that they can become destructive. It is the extremes that cause destruction and negativity.
Think of it this way: In an addiction, is it really the substance that is ‘bad’ i.e. alcohol, food, drugs, religion, etc. ? I view it more as using the substance to either extreme…this is when it becomes an addiction. Of course, people realize the ‘shadow’ aspect of addiction…which would be the overuse of a substance. But have you ever thought about the ‘light’ attribute of addiction—the total abstinence of a substance or the total alignment with a certain world view. This can be an addiction also. This too can be an escape from your reality. It can lead to intolerance, a feeling of superiority and living in illusion. It can also lead to our causing pain to our fellow humans.
If we try to live centered, in compassion and love, with an open heart—here we will find our protection. It is in this state of being centered where we will find our true selves. We will find our Creator, our God, our Source, our Higher Power, and our Self (or whatever terms you choose). We will need no other protection. For if you honestly know, if you truly believe—when you are openly connected and centered in your Belief, there is nothing you cannot overcome.
Today, I have emerged with a fire in my Soul I have never felt before.