"The most powerful weapon on earth is the human Soul on fire."~~Ferdinand Foch
In
the past and because of the nature of my past, i.e. extreme, long term child
abuse, my heart was closed not only to me, but to all of mankind. There was no fire in my soul. Since, I last wrote, for the most part I have
turned inward again. Some people may
think this is selfish or egotistical.
However, I believe it is the path to freedom; the path to letting go of
the negative; the path to overcoming the ego; the path to my Creator.
It
is not so much that I ignore the world and my surroundings. I do not…I continue to live each day to the
fullest, but my focus has been on the opening of my heart. I believe it is only when we examine our ‘heart’
which I am using as a representative of our soul, that we can become
whole. We must face the pain of our
existence, our humanness. Even if you
have not suffered child abuse, you have suffered. You will recognize and find your suffering in
your defenses; in your reactions to situations; in your ‘shadow’ or ‘light’
aspects of your personality, better known as your ego.
Until
recently, I felt I had to encapsulate my heart.
I felt I had to protect it from being vulnerable, from being abused,
from feeling, from all the ‘evil’ I feared so vehemently. I was dreadfully wrong. This has been the destruction of my soul, my
Self. Ironically, the walls I built to protect
myself were the walls that were causing my pain. For
to block out ‘shadow’, we also block out ‘light’.
I am not
saying that we go out and find people to abuse us or hurt us or cause us pain—quite
the opposite. We go out in the world and
live in compassion and love. Do to our
human tendencies, we all will have pain put in our life, sometimes we might
even be the cause of another’s pain. Hopefully, the pain we cause will not be purposeful;
it will be coming from our subconscious or even conscious inadequacies. We must remember this one basic fact:
“When someone acts out, when they
yell or conduct themselves with arrogance or are purposefully hurtful, it is
usually because THEY are hurting in some way, whether they will admit it
or not. You have a choice: be in compassion or sit in the pain and resentment
that they have shared with you.” Ayamanatara
We must acknowledge, admit, and accept our inadequacies to overcome what keeps us un-centered. This can be
very difficult and extremely painful. We
do not succumb easily to the realization that some of our aspects are on the ‘shadow’
side, or even on the ‘light’ side. In
all aspects of our personalities there are two sides: shadow and light. Neither one of them are ‘bad’ in and of
themselves. It is when we are living in
the extreme of one or the other that they can become destructive. It is the extremes that cause destruction and
negativity.
Think of it this
way: In an addiction, is it really the
substance that is ‘bad’ i.e. alcohol, food, drugs, religion, etc. ? I view it more as using the substance to
either extreme…this is when it becomes an addiction. Of course, people realize the ‘shadow’ aspect
of addiction…which would be the overuse of a substance. But have you ever thought about the ‘light’
attribute of addiction—the total abstinence of a substance or the total alignment
with a certain world view. This can be
an addiction also. This too can be an
escape from your reality. It can lead to
intolerance, a feeling of superiority and living in illusion. It can also lead to our causing pain to our
fellow humans.
If we try to live
centered, in compassion and love, with an open heart—here we will find our protection. It is in this state of being centered where
we will find our true selves. We will
find our Creator, our God, our Source, our Higher Power, and our Self (or
whatever terms you choose). We will need no other protection. For if you honestly
know, if you truly believe—when you are openly connected and centered in your
Belief, there is nothing you cannot overcome.
Today, I have emerged with a fire in my Soul I
have never felt before.
Peace,
Nico
