The other terror that scares us from self-trust is our consistency; a reverence for our past act or word, because the eyes of others have no other data for computing our orbit than our past acts, and we are loath to disappoint them. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Emerson says: “Always do what you are afraid to do.” What is ‘too scary’ to write about? Try doing it now.
WHAT TOPIC CREATES FEAR OF WRITING?
I have been sitting here thinking of something too scary to write. My mind is blank. As far as writing goes I seem to be fairly fearless.
Over the years, I have written thousands of pages filled with pain, abuse, rejection, abandonment, self-injury, love, hate, and almost any other subject of which I can think. I learned in twenty two years of psychotherapy to just let the words flow; to let whatever surfaces from my mind, my soul, or my heart fill the page. My blog and my journal is where I pour my pain into words.
But, I do have two other fears I have not overcome. The first one is being free to utter the words I journal, aloud. There is no language to accurately describe the effects of long-term abuse on an innocent child. The words seem empty, vague, and inaccurate. To me, they seem more powerful on the written page. To speak aloud would mean they would get lost in the void between me and you. They would float away, never to be heard again.
The second fear is that to verbalize my memories would mean I would hear them. They would become my reality. For some reason, as long as I write them, they remain distant. They are not me. They are not my life. They remain detached.
Many of you may not understand what I am trying to convey. Sometimes, I do not even understand. But this is what I think. This is why I write. I am grateful that I have some ability to write. It does not matter if other people like it, or think it is good or bad. It does not matter to me if anyone reads it. It does not matter to me if people ‘follow’ my blog or ‘like’ my Facebook page. My main purpose in having these two things is to bring awareness to all people that abuse murders the soul of a child. It destroys their future. What is supposed to be a ‘life’ turns out to be quite the opposite. It is more accurately described as living in death.
PLEASE, IF YOU KNOW OF ANY ABUSE TAKING PLACE, REPORT IT.