“These are the voices which we hear in solitude, but they grow faint and inaudible as we enter into the world. Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members.” -– Ralph Waldo Emerson
Is fear holding you back from living your fullest life and being truly self expressed? Put yourself in the shoes of the you who’s already lived your dream and write out the answers to the following:
Is the insecurity you’re defending worth the dream you’ll never realize? or the love you’ll never venture? or the joy you’ll never feel?
Will the blunder matter in 10 years? Or 10 weeks? Or 10 days? Or 10 minutes?
Can you be happy being anything less than who you really are?
Now Do. The Thing. You Fear.
The voices I hear in solitude do disappear as I enter the world. But, it is not society that conspires against me, it is I. It is my own fear that paralyzes my freedom; my own apprehensive thoughts that will not let me dare to live my dream; my panicked thoughts of being too weak and insecure keeping me from moving out of my cocoon.
Is it worth it? How could not being your true self ever be worth it. There is nothing more to discuss on that topic.
Will it matter? Of course it matters. It matters every moment of every day. It consumes my very being. It obsesses every thought. I will never be happy being this person I am today. I can only hope and pray that one day I will find the strength to be the real me and not live behind the mask I have been wearing for as long as I can remember. I can only dream that one day I will set myself free.
I can feel your pain all the way to Sweden. But my perception of your post is that you portray a person capable of tremendous strength. That you had to build up that type of power in order to survive. And because of it, sometimes the hardest thing to do is to "let go" of it. A mask is one of the heaviest thing to wear and yet it serves a purpose.
ReplyDeleteIn Sweden there is a saying: It's hard to see when the Clown/Jester/Fool is crying.These are archetypal characters that has the power to hide deep seated emotions and yet bring forth truth, without revealing their own pain. I must emphasize, I DON'T perceive you as a clown, just that you seem to carry the archetypal power of one on a soul level. Because of the mask he/she wears, the Clown is allowed, indeed expected, to cross the boundaries of social acceptance, representing what people would like to do or say themselves.Your blog is a result of that, as I see it. And that takes strength. And having to wear a mask that long, it's not strange at all to question where you "are" behind it.
I am not doing a psychological analysis either. Forgive me if it seems like that. I am merely trying to say: I see you.
Love, Michi
No apologies necessary for any of your comment! I enjoy the feedback. Thank you so much for sharing your opinion with me. It gives me something to think about!!! Take care.
ReplyDeletePeace, Nico
Fear is something that is inside either dormant or active.
ReplyDeleteWe all fear of something.... I guess sometimes it helps in doing good.
For instance if we don't fear of failing in exam than we'll never study.
But this fear have a dark shade too.
Few days back i tried to write something about fear.
Check it
http://jyotimi.blogspot.com/2011/01/every-single-moment-we-fear-fear-to.html
Nico: To me, your post seems to typify the paradox of life (aka, the "human condition.") The only constant in life is change we typically fear and fight change.
ReplyDeleteIt's a "suckers fight" because we are all aware enough to know that change always "wins." So the only question is do we surrender to and adapt with the change or do we get painfully dragged, protesting the entire way?
It's not an easy question nor is it always apparent to most people living predominantly in mass consciousness.
What it feels like to me is that you are asking this question out loud and in public, you are already into your process of surrender. Support and love is being attracted to you from people that you didn't even know existed a short time ago.
Doesn't that feel good to think about?
See, the shift is already happening!
Love,
Rich
Rich, I think you are so right. I am trying to surrender to inevitable change. I just have a lot of fear to overcome!! You are also right about the support and love I have come to know through this blog and my writing...it has truly been a blessing. It does feel good to think about!! Thanks for your comment.
ReplyDeleteTake care.
Peace, Nico