Enthusiasm by Mars Dorian #Trust30 (Day 22)

Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.” is a great line from Emerson. If there’s no enthusiasm in what you do, it won’t be remarkable and certainly won’t connect with people on an emotional basis. But, if you put that magic energy into all of your work, you can create something that touches people on a deeper level. How can you bring MORE enthusiasm into your work? What do you have to think or believe about your work to be totally excited about it? Answer it now.

Enthusiasm is one thing that has been lacking in my body, mind and soul for as many years as I have existed.  For me, this prompt was painful to read.  It was like a slap in the face.  Can it be as simple as lack of enthusiasm that has kept my life less than mediocre, unremarkable, with very few emotional connections? 

I am trying to remember if there was a time when I felt enthusiastic about anything.  The first thing that comes to mind is giving childbirth.  I was scared out of my mind, but enthusiastic.  I totally immersed myself in the role of mother—but then ten years later it all exploded into oblivion.  Enthusiasm was zapped out of my life because my past reared its ugly head.  Now twenty-two years later, here I am, NOWHERE!  NOBODY!  EMPTY! My cell phone banner is titled ‘EMPTY NOBODY’.  (Okay, self, save your negativity for group and your teacher. No one wants to hear your depressing, un-enthusiastic take on life and the world.  This prompt is about enthusiasm…can you please try to focus!)

Note: I have been writing this for about twenty minutes now. I have a feeling no one is going to want to read this one because it is sinking into the quicksand faster than in an instant. So, do I even want to post this?

This brings us to today and the #Trust30 Challenge.  When I first read about this writing challenge, I was afraid.  Coming from my well-learned negative side were all the fear, doubts, and self-deprecating thoughts.  Then, suddenly I had signed up for it.  Obviously, I did it ‘unconsciously’ because I truly do not recall making the decision to do this, or the process of signing up.

 

ENTER ENTHUSIASM!  Enter exhilaration!   My mind is becoming ‘addicted’ to this journey and to the other people involved with this challenge.  I use the term addicted because it is the only word that can describe the ‘high’ that being a part of this has given me.  Every morning I look forward to the new prompt.  I cannot wait to read the wisdom from other members.  I have found new, inspiring and energetic acquaintances (who also have been through rough times and have days when they feel low).  I have been able to open up and write about some of my past history, in all of its ugliness.  I have been able to accept the insight from others and to acknowledge that I too have insight on some things in this world. 

It frightens me to think of this ending.  It is {Day 22}.  Where did the time go?  How will I be able to recreate the enthusiasm of the last 21 days when all of this is over?  (Does this not indicate that I need to ‘get a life’?)  I have no answers at this moment.  The only think I can do is to sit with my fear and learn the lessons it is trying to teach me--growing pains, my dear Nico.  Growing pains.