Whatever made me think I could commit to thirty days of writing on different topics? What made me think I could commit to thirty days of anything?
The next topic was if I had one place to travel in the world where would it be? I have no desire to travel overseas. Well, maybe the desire is there, but the money and the physical ability is nowhere to be found. This topic means nothing to me at this point in time. I feel lucky if I can make it through the day. When you live in survival mode, the last thing I think about is a dream to travel overseas. Maybe it is just me. As usual, depression and negativity have taken over again in full force.
I have no “dreams” today. I just want to survive the day without cowering in the corner or hiding in the closet. I just want to not have a memory that sends me into another part, which makes the body writhe in pain.
Well, I guess I tried.
I have the exact opposite problem. Once I commit I'm committed for life, but then it becomes almost a perfectionist obsession... so maybe a lack of commitment isn't a bad thing after all.
ReplyDeleteWhat is this 30 day challenge anyways?
Why give up? So one day's topic doesn't resonate...and yet you still wrote about why it doesn't in a way that makes a lot of sense. Writing topics are just there as a spur or an aid...there's no need to do them in any 'perfect' or 'right' way. You're doing well. Keep going if you feel like it. Skipping a topic or two is no disaster either. Cheers
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments.
ReplyDelete@Haven...it is on Facebook...Ralph Waldo Emerson Page. They give you a topic for each day and you write whatever you want!! Give it a go!!!
@Ellen...thank you...I guess I could post what I wrote. It felt so mundane with so much pain going on in the world.
Nico, I see you! I am there or been there. And some days are painful. It's okay. I experience Dark Nigh of my Soul and it's a very lonely place. It's not about giving up, it's about knowing that no one can follow you where you are. Not that nobody don't want to, but nobody can't. And that's painful to know. What is striking to me is that you wrote what you felt. And that is more powerful than you might perceive it to be. What are we if not true to ourselves? you are on the most important journey a person can take - the journey within.
ReplyDeleteI want to share something with, a poem. It's a poem that actually has given me comfort, something to hold on to when it's too overwhelming. I have gone through a quite severe depression and it took almost 4 years to come out of. Now 7 years later I go through the Dark Night. Totally different. I guess I am called to experience mysteries. Because it is a mystery to me. I don't understand. But it's okay, I don't have to "get it", just to go through it. The poem that gives me strength is by William Henley and Nelson Mandela read it every day while in Robbin Island. For 27 years.
INVICTUS
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
Bless, Michi
MICHI, Thank you so much. It means so much when I realize that other people do understand. Love that poem. It is very painful indeed to know that no one can come on this Dark Night journey with me...but I do understand. It is my path and I must find my way out...no one can do it for me. They can support and encourage and suggest...but in the end, it is totally up to me.
ReplyDeletePeace, Nico